I will never give up the journey

A few weeks ago I was at the doctors and we were going over my thyroid labs, everything was looking good. Woohoo for being on 3 different meds. Had to switch back to the crappy fibromyalgia medicine too. Although that was not what was discussed, the pulling and heavy feeling of the loose skin I have around my middle. I already have enough pain with Fibromyalgia but as of a few months ago my back and hips are hurting like crazy when I run. the middle of my back hurts when I run cause of where the skin fold sits.

So the doctor saw these pictures and did an exam. Sent me a referral to a plastic surgeon. Losing 120 pounds on my own and then gaining muscle has made the saggy skin worse.

A week ago I went to see him. the plastic surgeon, He answered all my questions and seemed pretty optimistic that insurance could cover the excess skin removal. It could be a reason why I have hit a brick wall in the weight loss department, and cause pain.So now I wait. He did mention try and get back to 170. I am 206 right now. I am up 2 pounds. But I am starting a stricter diet and better exercise plan. giving myself 90 days, if by October 1st and I have not seen any results I will be going back to the doctor and asking for a change in medicine or to add a prescribed weight loss pill.

I have been at this for 2 and half years. February is coming up my 3 years, and I am tired of how much I hate myself and my results. I am using up all my options. My body is tired and I will never give up on myself but its hard to look at my self anymore and see how far I have come when I feel like I have failed myself because I am not at my goal weight.

I just want to fit into clothes and I want to feel better about my journey and myself. If saying I am not trying hard enough then you dont see me every day out there running and weight lifting, letting my diet and exercise control my life. Not being able to skip a day because of how bad I feel about myself. Its borderline obsessive.. ok it is no longer borderline. I let it consume me. one cheat day I beat myself up for weeks.

My goal is to get back to 170. to hope insurance helps pays for the surgery and maybe I can get back to living my life. I just want to love myself...