Struggles with weightloss, shit they never tell you.

So this is a little rant post. Over the past few months I have been struggling with triggers, with my depression and social anxiety(general anxiety) and my eating disorder.  My weight is all over the place, Im losing and then gaining, I don't even know whats up probably stress. Maybe its not.

Also I am sick of people coming up to me telling me about fucking green tea and wrapping my body in seaweed and trying some really gross shake or try meals like nutirsystem which once you stop all this shit you can easily gain the weight back. Hello look at Kristie Ally love her but how many times is she going to keep going to jenny before we stop calling her a fitness idol. Also Biggest loser starves people. Look at their diet plans. I work damn hard every day to lose weight, I fight for my life every day to not make the Fibromyglia worse or get fatter. So if you want my help I am sooooo willing to help but you are going to have to put in the god damn work.

I support waist training for people who workout and eat healthy, I support anything as long as you are doing the work and eating healthy. surgery, all by your self, jazzerise. what the fuck ever.

Do 30 minutes of something healthy and active every day. cut out the happy meals, drink more water. Eat fruit and veggie with every meal, protein is not a scary word, eat it. Carbs are fine, fats are fine. everything in moderation. I eat 140 grams of protein and 45-55 grams of fat and 110 to 150 grams of carbs depending on my workouts. its pretty low but I am trying to lose weight. maybe I need more maybe I need less I am still learning what works for my body.

But I hate my body. Hate it. I buy some cute shorts and they dont fit right, my loose skin falls out in places, having to tuck in my stomach is gross. I am disappointed and almost heart broken at my progress because of this.  Which doenst help my feeling of worthless and helpless and I use to over eat till I threw up to make that go away, now I starve myself to make that hunger pain to fill in the holes.

I look in the mirorr and I start to love my quads or my hips, and I can see muscle and then I see this shit.

This makes me hate my body. When I was heavy sure my belly hung out but it wasnt this gross. the amount of fatty deposits all over my legs and butt make me wanna cry. I hate that I cant wear rompers cause my stomach hangs out and I look funny in them. I have to tuck in my stomach and I am stuck wearing baggy clothes because I cant find anything to fit me correctly.

I am not giving up I will work out every day. But this sucks. No one tells you trying to lose 150 pounds comes with this. I knew it would be a hard deal and it would take a while, but I want to cross my arms and not have my loose skin make me look like a line backer. and I wanna wear cute clothes. I want to be one size.

I'm struggling with finding my balance again. I feel like no one can see how hard I am working cause of all this loose skin and its just going to get worse. 

yoga is horrible cause my skin flys. and hangs down low. I hate my body.